Journal

The feelings are all somewhere
Reasons undefined
You sit there quietly
In the back of my mind

Hold close the reasons why
I don’t talk to you
I can’t even say it
Still I find it true

I love everyday
Every reason more and more
Some day I will define
The reason I don’t talk to you anymore

Subtle reminders of the past
A lost note long played
Words don’t describe
The bond we’ve made

I am sorry. That is what I want to say. I am so sorry. And although things could have happened differently, I knew better the whole time. Just shoved it down and pretended like it wasn’t real. Blamed it on your inconsistency. But that was just an excuse. A way to vent my frustration and denial and loneliness.

I know I’m ready. I turned enough in my brain. I’ve forced myself to say it out loud. But it’s still too hard to accept. That I did that. To you.

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