Tag Archives: prose

Lie in the Sun

*First draft, feel free to comment.

I have always celebrated the sun and warmth of summer as a kind of release from the rigid realities of winter. Blinding pain and pleasure sizes my pupils into tiny dots. I am suddenly malleable. A drug soaks into my skin, constantly seeking elation. The change in temperature changes who I am.

The warm and beckoning sun lightens my heart and soul. But gone are my layers of protection. Finally, I bask in the joy of naked sunlight. The pleasure of a warm dusky night changes who I am. Calmly, the light reflects who I will always be. A chill wind nips my neck. Laughing at disconsolate girl.

As the winter comes I fear the harsh realities that are sure to creep up again. The cold, damp air shears what little color my skin has. Layers peel and a chill creeps to the surface. Pieces, warm and tanned, turn and stress against a callous edge.

I draw up my task with efficiency. One by one I wrap my body with soft, dry layers that distract from the unrelenting cold. Deeper I bury myself into my cozy den. Finally, I have a reason to exclude myself from the activities and social necessities. I am unchanging and unrelenting. Starkly I observe my detachment.

The winter is harsh and unrelenting.

With all of the foliage clear and the warmth of the sun gone, intentions will seem as clear as day. As it is in nature, this transition is often stark and harsh. Many limbs break from the weight of the first snow.

As they are shed, without regard, they are tossed aside. Once green and vibrant, they are now decayed and rotted. There is no doubt that their infrastructure will not sustain.

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Procrastinate

Consuming the cascade of inspiration
A lack of emotion,
hopeless goal.
in mind.
Seek intrepid words and write them all.
Clutch digital ideals in impotent spaces.
Space filled with toys, consuming
constant orgasm brain stimulated.
Buzz through,
time to the ultimately unimpressed.
Prompt a word with a picture too,
consume thoughts,
never connect them.
I discover and waste my ideas.
Not a block.
An expletive I toss to the unfortunate
who devours,
my words.
Find what you will,
I escape to find my own.

Journal

The feelings are all somewhere
Reasons undefined
You sit there quietly
In the back of my mind

Hold close the reasons why
I don’t talk to you
I can’t even say it
Still I find it true

I love everyday
Every reason more and more
Some day I will define
The reason I don’t talk to you anymore

Subtle reminders of the past
A lost note long played
Words don’t describe
The bond we’ve made

I am sorry. That is what I want to say. I am so sorry. And although things could have happened differently, I knew better the whole time. Just shoved it down and pretended like it wasn’t real. Blamed it on your inconsistency. But that was just an excuse. A way to vent my frustration and denial and loneliness.

I know I’m ready. I turned enough in my brain. I’ve forced myself to say it out loud. But it’s still too hard to accept. That I did that. To you.