please don’t read this

My face
Tears slick
Heart twisted
Lovely
Remember me
Especially
Forgive
Thousands
Show me
Admit
Betrayed
Hurtful ways
Effort belonging
Empty longing
From you
Brow
Furrowed
Dear
Blood is thicker

Journal

The feelings are all somewhere
Reasons undefined
You sit there quietly
In the back of my mind

Hold close the reasons why
I don’t talk to you
I can’t even say it
Still I find it true

I love everyday
Every reason more and more
Some day I will define
The reason I don’t talk to you anymore

Subtle reminders of the past
A lost note long played
Words don’t describe
The bond we’ve made

I am sorry. That is what I want to say. I am so sorry. And although things could have happened differently, I knew better the whole time. Just shoved it down and pretended like it wasn’t real. Blamed it on your inconsistency. But that was just an excuse. A way to vent my frustration and denial and loneliness.

I know I’m ready. I turned enough in my brain. I’ve forced myself to say it out loud. But it’s still too hard to accept. That I did that. To you.